Opinion
Life 101: Our big fear of embarrassment
![Avatar photo](https://www.explorebigsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/outlaw-partners-46x46.jpg)
![Avatar photo](http://www.explorebigsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/outlaw-partners-46x46.jpg)
Published
4 years agoon
Posted By
Admin![](https://www.explorebigsky.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/dmitry-ratushny-T8gLom6k8Jo-unsplash-copy.jpg)
By Linda Arnold EBS CONTRIBUTOR
You’ve probably heard that the fear of public speaking is greater than that of death. Another top vote getter is being embarrassed—humiliated, to be exact.
The reason seems to come from our remote past. Early on—when humans had to fight off predators—safety came from being in groups and the fear of being rejected had dire consequences.
Fast forward to present day, this primal fear has morphed into current scenarios in which we crave acceptance and fear rejection, even when there’s not a life-threatening situation. “Nearly 20 million individuals at any one time suffer some form of social anxiety,” said Kip Williams, a professor of psychological sciences at Purdue University. “They fear being rejected and abandoned.”
Let’s look at how embarrassment manifests in today’s world, with results from a survey by Mindful magazine.
What Embarrasses You the Most?
Ranked by percentage, the major survey results are:
- 42 – being put on the spot
- 33 – saying the wrong thing
- 10 – being clumsy
- 7 – showing emotion
- 3 – public displays of affection
Who Has the Greatest Power to Embarrass You?
- 27 – complete strangers
- 24 – coworkers
- 22 – romantic partners
- 11 – siblings
- 9 – parents
- 4 – friends
How Does Embarrassment Show Up?
By percentage the most common responses to being embarrassed are, blushing, 71 percent, breaking into a sweat, 30 percent, laughing inappropriately, 29 percent, queasiness, 18 percent, the urge to urinate, 4 percent and watery eyes, 4 percent.
Getting Over It
Thirty-two percent of respondents said they don’t get over embarrassment. Twenty-nine percent laugh it off, while 9 percent deflect attention to someone else, and another 8 percent slink away.
Tips for getting over embarrassment, from my professional experience and research from therapist, Therese Borchard include:
- Stay in the moment – All embarrassment takes place in the past. Theoretically, if you’re able to totally stay in the moment, you won’t feel an ounce of embarrassment because those messages in your brain come from a different time. Easier said than done though when your stomach is tied in knots and you’re berating yourself with phrases such as: “I’m such a klutz,” or “I’m terrible with directions.”
- Stop apologizing – You may think you’ll feel better if you atone for your actions again and again, but in reality you’ll actually feel worse. Again, your attention is on the past, not the present.
- Visit past humiliations – Remember when you thought you were going to die? In hindsight, it wasn’t such a big deal. Borchard, associate editor of Psych Central, shares the following examples:
- At my first job I was the only one to dress up for Halloween. I went as the building security guard—even borrowed his actual uniform.
- I was almost arrested for sexual harassment because the creative note I left for the director of the homeless shelter was placed atop a lingerie set sent by someone else. Thus, he assumed I was the lingerie stalker.
- Upon being prompted to tell “the thumb” joke to the vice president of Doubleday, I proceeded to tell the wrong, very off-color joke—which I feared would kill our book contract.
- Learn how to be afraid – Embarrassment is essentially fear. “While we can’t instantly stop ourselves from being afraid, we do have the power to change how we relate to situations,” explains Taylor Clark, author of the book, Nerve.
- Get in the car again – Borchard says someone once spray painted “Dumb-a** blonde” on her car. When she refused to drive the car to school, her mother said, “Okay, I’ll drive the car.” She heard stories that her mom would be at intersections, getting honked at, and just wave like she was Queen Elizabeth.
Remember, you’re the one in charge. And, while everyone hates being embarrassed, karaoke still exists!
Linda Arnold is a syndicated columnist, psychological counselor and Founder of a multistate marketing company. Reader comments are welcome at linda@lindaarnold.org or visit www.lindaarnold.org for more information on her books.
Upcoming Events
july, 2024
Event Type :
All
All
Arts
Education
Music
Other
Sports
Event Details
CALL FOR ARTISTS: Paint anytime from June 1-28EXHIBITION & SALE: June 29 - July 31Calling all artists and nature enthusiasts! Get
more
Event Details
CALL FOR ARTISTS: Paint anytime from June 1-28
EXHIBITION & SALE: June 29 – July 31
Calling all artists and nature
enthusiasts! Get your paintbrushes ready for an unforgettable experience at
Paint Under the Big Sky, a thrilling plein air event set against the stunning
backdrop of Big Sky, MT, Chet Huntley’s “The Last Best Place”. Don’t
miss this chance to unleash your creativity and be part of a vibrant artistic community.
What is Paint Under the Big Sky? PUBS is a plein air event for all painters of any ability (over the age of 16). Sponsored by the Big Sky Artist’s Studio & Gallery and the Big Sky Artists Collective, a non-profit organization whose mission is to foster a strong community of artists in the Big Sky area, the paint-out hopes to introduce painters to our extraordinary landscape for an opportunity to create, meet and have fun. Plein air painters record our landscape for generations to come.
Artists are invited to travel to Big
Sky, MT to paint anytime between Jun 1 – 28, and participate in the exhibition
and sale of paintings from June 29 – July 31.
Come join us! We have a great
place to paint and are welcoming and fun!
Don’t miss out!
Time
June 1 (Saturday) 1:00 am - July 31 (Wednesday) 11:55 pm
Event Details
Embrace the freedom and serenity of movement in nature with our rejuvenating morning yoga class on the Mountain Lawn. Allow the fresh mountain air and gentle guided yoga practice
Event Details
Embrace the freedom and
serenity of movement in nature with our rejuvenating morning yoga class on the
Mountain Lawn. Allow the fresh mountain air and gentle guided yoga practice to
invigorate your day of adventure ahead. Complimentary. Weather
permitting.
Time
June 1 (Saturday) 7:00 am - August 31 (Saturday) 7:00 am
Location
Montage Big Sky
995 Settlement Trail
Event Details
Bike Big Sky is a FREE community mountain biking group with BSCO and Gallatin Alpine Sports. Meet at posted locations at 6 p.m. Monday evenings. Visit BSCO.org or swing by
Event Details
Bike Big Sky is a FREE community mountain biking group with BSCO and Gallatin Alpine Sports. Meet at posted locations at 6 p.m. Monday evenings. Visit BSCO.org or swing by GAS for ride information.
Time
June 10 (Monday) 6:00 pm - August 19 (Monday) 6:00 pm
Event Details
Bike Big Sky is a FREE community mountain biking group with BSCO and Gallatin Alpine Sports. Meet at posted locations at 6 p.m. Monday evenings. Visit BSCO.org or swing by
Event Details
Bike Big Sky is a FREE community mountain biking group with BSCO and Gallatin Alpine Sports. Meet at posted locations at 6 p.m. Monday evenings. Visit BSCO.org or swing by GAS for ride information.
Time
June 17 (Monday) 6:00 pm - August 26 (Monday) 6:00 pm