How men can open up about challenges and improve wellbeing
By Jeremy Harder GUEST COLUMNIST
Let’s be real, bruh; men find asking for emotional or psychological support or assistance shameful and weak. We were taught from a very young age to “suck it up, buttercup,” “be a man and toughen up,” and “push through; you got this.” In actuality, we often don’t “got this.” Coupled with this, we live with a wild sense that we need to fix things, take care of stuff, and man up.
This year will have a profound awakening for us, gentlemen. Rather than focusing solely on fixing things around the house and at work, while filling materialistic voids for others, we should first discover the true importance of loving ourselves. Let me introduce to you, Man’uary 2025 (and don’t worry, it extends beyond the month of January).
I love you, brothers. You need to love you. Let’s take a few minutes to recognize our feelings, set our boundaries and seek the things that bring us happiness. Sometimes, it’s about practicing self-compassion and being gentle with ourselves, even identifying our flaws and imperfections. I know it sounds a little woo-woo, but a little woo works.
I am learning through wide-open curiosity that Man’uary can help us become emotionally intelligent, prioritize self-care, and highlight personal transformation. Imagine a world where men feel strong when asking for help, a world where we can stop denying our pain, and instead of saying, “I’m fine,” express the places where we feel insecure and vulnerable.
Emotional IQ
How do we recognize our feelings and be emotionally intelligent? One way is to learn to live “into” our feelings. We can recognize where the feelings are in our bodies, feel them shamelessly, and name them. By doing this, we actively pay attention to the physical sensations within our bodies that correspond to an emotion. This also helps us access our innate wisdom for the next round of feelings, which will be right around the corner.
Write stuff down. Journaling has many names, and there are 1,000 ways to do it, but simply write something somewhere: on a beer napkin, on your phone, using a voice recorder, or in the snow with your ski pole.
Read and listen to what others are doing. You are not the only one going through something. Share your feelings and what you are learning with others. What you may think inconsequential could awaken someone’s soul. Consider joining a men’s group in Big Sky where we tap into man things and explore our messy stuff.
Self-care
How do we honor our boundaries and promote self-care? First, we can recognize our weakness in saying “no” and discover the power of it. When I say “yes” to everyone and everything, my anxiety and stress rise. My friend Koy introduced me to “JOMO”—the joy of missing out. It’s okay, we don’t have to do it all!
Doing things for others all the time does not make you a better person. The key is finding a balance between serving yourself and others. Setting boundaries helps us put into perspective what is essential to our wellbeing. There are many tools to access and learn from; one tool that may help is asking yourself, “What habits, relationships, or stories am I holding onto that no longer serve me?” Let go of them, set boundaries, and begin to rewrite those harmful narratives.
Personal transformation
How do we pursue things that bring us joy and promote personal healing? Let’s stop beating ourselves up. Instead, let’s lead with compassion, starting with ourselves. I find motivation rooted in curiosity to be a helpful tool. When I walk into a conversation, I think about how much I can learn from it instead of thinking I already know everything.
Find the courage to do things that bring you joy. Take out the garbage—not just on Mondays and Fridays. Start with honesty and lean into the hard stuff, sit with it, mash it up, and then let go of it. We tune our bikes and skis when they need it. Consider self-care a tune for yourself. Don’t let the edges get dull and rusty and the chain eroded.
I’m discovering some wisdom in Oliver Burkeman’s book “Meditation for Mortals.” One of his chapters, which are small three-to-four-pagers, helps us learn about our imperfections and not being our own worst enemy. This small book in stature is anything but meditations; it is a grab-and-go book that should be on everyone’s shelf. If you need something even more brief, try Tiny Buddha’s wisdom.
Man’uary 2025
Man’uary is about prioritizing inner work and opening the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships. When we love and accept ourselves, we equip ourselves to love and support others genuinely and more sustainably. Every person you meet, ski by, work with, and interact with is going through something. Help a brother and sister out!
Let’s celebrate tiny shifts this year. Let’s shower our manly selves with the care, attention, and affection we deserve. Let’s commit to nurturing our most important relationship—the one with ourselves. This year, let’s embrace every moment as Man’uary!
Consider thinking that things are happening for you instead of to you. Notice how these tiny shifts in perspective feel. Remember to feel all the feels; it’s okay to be a little bit broken—that’s essential to being human. And if you don’t want to go it alone, look out for more info about Big Sky’s Men’s Group, starting in March.
Jeremy ‘JJ’ Harder is a teacher, father, husband, friend, coach, and advocate who desires to foster vulnerability and create pathways for more candid discussions about the stigma we face regarding mental health, substance use, and wellness. He is a Big Sky community member and a Wellness Navigator for Be Well Big Sky. He has floundered with mental health and substance use but is in 100% Man’uary mode to transform his narrative! Join him.
