By Michelle Nierling GUEST COLUMNIST
A solid foundation—it’s something necessary to build upon.
To build this foundation, no matter what the foundation is for, you need tools. A nail is just a sharp object without a hammer. You can’t just pour cement to build a foundation without the proper tools to level it out. We know we need tools in everyday living and building. Do you know what else society needs tools for? Building a better YOU. It says it in the month itself, FebrYOUary! Let’s all take a few moments while reading this article to focus on ourselves.
Life is real—at times it can be heavy, chaotic, sad and overwhelming, and sometimes there is little to no warning. It happens to all of us. We use “trial and error” in hopes of finding a resolution to the pain, stress, sadness, or whatever the source may be. We do whatever it takes not to feel. It is easier to cover it up than to sit with it. Perhaps this looks like anxiety, jitters, being stuck in one’s head and buried in the “What if? Why me? How could they?”—the list goes on and on. How do we stop or lessen those thoughts?
To recap a tool from a previous EBS column, Holidaze Health by Jeremy Harder, we’re going to “box it out” as I like to say.
Put your feet flat on the floor, sit up straight, and roll your shoulders back just a bit. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds and hold for four seconds. Repeat three times. On the third round, when you exhale, do it with an intense sigh—out loud is great but mindfully works well, too. Let’s do this routine one more time. Notice how you feel. Maybe you feel a bit calmer, less anxious or even a little goofy. Whatever it is, feel it—it’s all about you.
Many of us are asked to hold space for other people—or maybe what feels like our entire community—and we do because we care. We can and will continue doing this, but we also need to hold space for ourselves. We are needed by friends, family and coworkers, whether it’s to be an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a presence to help ease someone’s loneliness. If we get so busy holding space for others, we sometimes forget to hold space for ourselves.
This space has many shapes, sizes, actions and looks. For some reason, holding space for ourselves seems incredibly impossible at times. Other times, we overlook the importance of this and forget to not only hold space for ourselves, but to take time out for ourselves.
I am completely guilty of this and didn’t realize its importance until lately. In the past, I would have rather helped others with anything than to sit with myself. The moment I stopped helping others and sat with myself, there was nothing I could do to stop my thoughts, and they all came at once like a freight train. Then would come the anxiety, guilt, wondering and negative thinking. It took a long time for me to realize, “I am not my thoughts. I am not the only one this happens to. I am not the only one who tried whatever I could to not take care of myself.”
I am one of the lucky ones, and not because I am a lucky person. Rather, I found the tools I needed to work through it.
I’m a work in progress. Not just now, but every day.
As Lisa Olivera, author and therapist, said, “Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone.”
Finding stability for myself in this community has become more achievable by becoming involved with a great organization called Be Well Big Sky. I have been provided tools to keep in my mental toolbox to help when anxiety kicks in, when the thoughts won’t stop, when I just can’t calm down.
In closing, I’d like to provide you with one more tool to help during times when emotions and anxiety are running high—it’s another breathwork tool, and you can do these without anyone even knowing. This is my favorite right before I fall asleep.
Gently close your eyes. Breathe in for a count of four. Hold for a count of seven and breathe out slowly to a count of eight. I suggest repeating this at least five times. This is a form of pranayama which is the practice of breath regulation. You are the very most important thing in your life—take care of YOU!
Michelle Nierling is the mother of two young adults, and the Noona to two beautiful grandchildren. She works at Yellowstone Club as the Culinary Department Administrator. She is a volunteer member with Be Well Big Sky’s Navigator Network and serves on Be Well Big Sky’s leadership council.
